Hello lovelies!
Here’s a very common situation from one of the ladies in my Facebook Group group “Glamifest with Alexis Glam“:
Hi Alexis! I met this man two months ago and things were going great! I just noticed that he is slowly starting to pull away. Texting me less and not reaching out like he used to :(. What can I do to not go back to my old habits of texting too much and chasing? I am already feeling nervous and my anxiety is coming back.
Anonymous
What Can You Do When a Man Pulls Away?:
My answer:
First of all: I am sorry you are experiencing this. I know exactly how this feels like and I know that being in this situation can feel lonely, confused and hurt.
When we invest in a relationship, feel like things are going great and he pulls back: we might feel anxiety rising, which in turn might cause us to become desperate and do things that we promised never to do like over-extending, over texting and bursting out of anger when we do not hear from them as much as we were used to.
While many dating coaches would say that you should not be too invested in a relationship within the first 3 months, my take is a bit different.
In my experience, relationships are great opportunities for us to reflect on our fears and insecurities.
Is it the relationship good to be true?
In the beginning of our relationships, we are not so much in our head: easily able to live “in the moment” and enjoy the relationship as it is meant to be, but we usually notice a point where things start to turn sour.
If we analyse our inner conversations with ourselves, it is usually the point where we start repeating to ourselves that this relationship is “too good to be true”.
Usually this assumption follows us becoming slowly more anxious and hyper vigilant for indicators that this man is going to disappoint us like everyone else.
As a direct consequence, we start acting out of alignment with who we truly are deep down inside…
You feel like you need to “do all of this stuff” to help make sure that this man does not ghost or reject you like has happened to you in the past.
This anxiety keeps growing until you second guess everything about yourself.
You ask yourself “What is Wrong With Me?” and “What Can I Do to Win Him Back“?
You act further and further away from who you truly are… the person you showed up as in the beginning of the relationship who was in the moment, enjoying the company of the man without overthinking and overanalyzing.
So, my number one advice is for you to step out of the state of anxiety, expecting dissapointment and overextending right away!
In the next part of this blog I will outline a few steps that you can take RIGHT NOW to step back into your power, stop obsessive and start showing up as your authentic and magnetic self:
1. Give Back To YOURSELF
Overinvestment in a man or a relationship is usually an indicator that you are looking to get something out of the relationship that you feel is currently lacking in your life.
Try to yournal the answer to the question: “What am I feeling that is lacking in my life right now that I hope this relationship will remedy?”
Common answers are: loneliness, validation, love and appreciation / praise.
What if you could start giving this to yourself first?
By enjoying your own company and giving yourself the validation, love and appreciation or praise you are currently chasing trough this man; you will no longer have to become anxious about someone else not being able to give this to you.
In fact, already being able to fill your own cup will place you in an energetically abundant state, which will draw in high value men, appreciation from others and praise.
2. Go INWARD
Chasing unavailable love is the ultimate form of self abandonment. Instead of seeking external validation, it is important to “go back to your true self”.
This self is your true confident self. Remember when I talked about how you showed up in the beginning of the relationship? Confident and relaxed? In this state you are not anxious, overthinking and overanalyzing.
If you keep “chasing”, the further away you are from your true authentic and confident self.. and the more confused you become.
This is a surefire way to stay unhappy, unfulfilled, triggered and heartbroken over and over again…
Time to turn inwards and start going back to the state of your relaxed and confident self!
3. Control YOURSELF
In relationships as women, when things are not going the way we want them to g: we tend to step into our “controlling energy”.
We become hyper-focussed on the man ,what he should or should not do to make us happy.
The problem is that we forget that the only thing we can control 100% is not the man, but our reaction to how this man shows up.
My golden advice is to stop the false belief that by worrying about, talking about and arguing will help you feel better about the situation.
The only thing that can make you feel better is to realize that you have the power to feel good about YOURSELF and your worth, regardless of how your man is currently showing up.
Start Creating Healthy Love Today By Discovering Your Relationship Blockages
We all have unique relationship blockages to how we relate to dating, marriage, and love in general…
When you discover your unique Relationship Blockages, you can…
- Free yourself from neediness and looking to a partner to make you feel whole.
- Stop being “too nice”.. hold natural boundaries while being your most loving, attractive, & magnetic self.
- Attract a high value man who truly loves & respects you. (Transform your current relationship, or discover the new love of your life.)
First Step? Discover YOUR unique Relationship Blockages… after taking the quiz you will receive a custom e book outlining how you can overcome these blockages:
DISCOVER YOUR UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP BLOCKAGES HERE
Hope this helps you on your journey of becoming your best, most radiantly magnetic self!
Light and love!
What do you think?